Sunday, January 20, 2013

A little bit of soul searching

So I have been going through a book called "Be the Mom" written by Tracey Lanter Eyster, with a fellow young mom friend of mine. It has been a really fantastic read and I am so thankful to be going through it early on in my children's lives. Through the book I have been constantly convicted of a huge problem that I see in myself. Something I don't like to admit to but need to confess in order to conquer...I struggle with anger.

It may not seem to be a big deal, everyone gets angry, but to be perfectly honest with you, I have gotten angry to the point of literally throwing the cat down the stairs...yea, I cried right after over the fact that I have allowed myself to lose control of myself so much.

On that note, with Bennett getting to the age of "testing" and having a new one, I am constantly reminded that I need to gather control of myself so that I avoid any relational problems with Bennett because of my anger. I also do not want to pass on an attitude of anger to him, nor acting/lashing out in anger which I have already seen in his throwing things out of anger.

I so regret my lack of control when I see him get angry. He looks for the closest thing to him and will either take a swing at it or chuck it as best he can. I know this comes from him watching me shove things or throw something out of anger and it so saddens me that this is what he has learned from me.

So in order to teach him to control himself when angry, I first must accomplish this in myself so that I may reflect Jesus in the best way possible to my sweet, impressionable two-year-old. He already learns so much from everything he sees and hears. I have been very intentional in sheltering him from naughty things in movies and forget that I am a bigger influence than TV.

I know that in order to control my anger I need the help of scripture so I looked up some verses on anger and would like to share them with you...

The one that had the most impact on me as I was researching was this, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you."

What a good reminder. I have not been good about accepting the Word that is planted in me, instead I just release as soon as an ounce of emotion stirs up. It is my intention and goal to begin to memorize, and in some cases, re-memorize Scripture. Something I let go of that fatefull summer years ago. I can clearly see a difference in myself when I reflected on the good and the Word I had memorized compared to now, after releasing and a giving up on it.

So in a way, I guess this is a cry-out for prayer and accountability in those things. I hope that this may have been an encouragement to you as well to the importance of memorizing scripture.

And for good measure, here are my sweet, sweet boys again! :-)

Have a happy day!