Twists and Turns

It's so easy to let life take us for a ride and to get so caught up in it that we forget to slow down and just soak it in. Since my last post, the foreclosure was finalized and we made the move across the street and have squeezed into a nice town home. So much has changed since the move, it's hard to remember all of the emotion and turmoil I was in then. Things are far from perfect still, but they are better. Ever day there is progress in myself, in my boys, in my marriage and in my home.

It is so wonderful to look back and see the blessing among the hardships. There are a few things that I need to update since July, 2013. Firstly, yes, we lost our home to foreclosure and made a move. It was quite a job to pack up and transfer everything and we did end up losing quite a bit of possessions because there just wasn't room here and we don't have budget for a storage garage. Some things were easy to lose - there was lumber in the shed, my old bike with a flat tire, Andrew's non-working chain saws... There were some things that for me, were not easy to lose. We had several things still in the basement that for the longest time just made me sick to know that we had lost, a couple of those things being a small, wooden doll bed that my dad hand-made for me, a drink bucket that Andrew and I had at our wedding, some craft projects that I had done and so on. Every time that those things would come to mind though, I would remind myself, "they are just things, replaceable things. Jesus knows they are worth nothing and they just take up space. He can replace them if they mean that much" and I would just rest in peace knowing that they ARE just things. Things that don't matter. They can be replaced. They just take up space if they aren't useful or currently being used. So, I am at peace with that and actually thankful to have been relieved of a bunch of STUFF.

Losing the house was a huge blow and blessing at the same time. I took a hit on my credit, obviously. I can't even open a savings account at a bank because of how low my credit score is right now. But that's ok. Andrew has our joint accounts, we don't need more than that. It was hard to let go of the place that we called home for our first four years. The place that we began building our family in and the place that I was taking so much pride in. At the same time, what a relief not to have the weight of that hanging over my head. We have a comfortable  place to live now, a place without spiders and ear-wigs (yes, they are a real bug - see for yourself here...gross!), a place without mold in the walls, on the ceiling, and a place that doesn't cost $500 during the winter to heat.

Sorry for the poor quality, I am not an interior photographer and I don't do well for styling those types of photos. These are simple, phone and instagram photos. Deal with it. :)

The more I look back and examine our past at that house the more I see strongholds that built up there. Things that we couldn't break out of without losing the place. Things so dark they hang there like a cloud. The stronghold of laziness was woven throughout our whole relationship there. The stronghold of anger was looming in every room of that place and the stronghold of suspicion and deceit. All of which I struggled to no end to deal with, trying to conquer on my own only to fail miserably which made me ANGRY. I had a stronghold of self-doubt, self-reliance and worry chained around my every move. I wanted nothing more than to hide from everything and everyone.

Moving out of our home of strongholds has been such a blessing. Sure, it was disguised at first, but all is clear and apparent now. Sure, we are thankful to have had the place for as long as we did and it definitely was a blessing to be able to begin our marriage in a little home like that but after a while because we took it for granted it just became such a burden Jesus said, "Here little ones, this will hurt but I need to take this from you to do something even better." || insert OUCH and then sigh of relief here || What peace we can have when we rest in His timing, His control and His love for us. I am so thankful for HIM.

I received a text message from my mom about a month ago. She informed me that her and my dad were going to come over and watch the boys so Andrew and I could go get coffee together. GREAT! We headed to the local Micky D's and had some nicely fattening mochas and chatted. We were reminiscing about the past of our marriage and the growth and hardships and so on that we have endured and conquered. I can't remember quite what he had said, but I came to realization that if it weren't for the hand of Jesus on our lives and our life together we didn't think that we would still be together today. Life has thrown us so many hardships in our short four and a half years together that were it not for our strong conviction to stay together and the peace, confidence and love that we can give because Jesus gives it to us, we probably would have separated long ago. What a wonderful God we serve to bring unity even through the toughest of times. Now, I know that the things that we have faced can be compared to other's sufferings as nothing and I give huge amounts of credit to anyone that has endured struggles in their marriage and come out on top, but I also know Andrew and I know myself and the kind of people that we are, the struggles that we have faced and endured are nothing small to us.

Since losing our house, Andrew and I have grown closer together, as a couple, as a team and in our relationships with Jesus. We have made a church home here at Faith Community and gotten ourselves plugged into a Bible Study. Myself personally, I have grown so much closer to Jesus, I still have to work hard every day to keep Him front and center but my character has definitely improved. The anger that I struggled with (related post here) has subsided so incredibly that I have a hard time believing it could be true...

We continue to have our struggles and deal with things as life throws them at us, but we are doing a much better job of centering our responses on Jesus and trusting in His greatness and power to come through for us. What more is there?!

I hope you have a blessed day!
Thanks for reading,
Kayla

Valentine's Day

Since it is Valentine's Day, I thought I would start out with one of my most favorite stories of Andrew and myself. As it turns out this story actually takes place before we even dated. I think that is what makes it so sweet to me.

Well, Andrew had invited me to go to the spaghetti and a movie Valentine's Day event at his church. I was a little apprehensive because I knew that he liked me and I just wasn't in a place in my life where I was ready to accept the pure love that he had for me, but he was quickly becoming my best friend in the whole world. So I decided to go but I brought a couple of friends with. For reasons that I cannot remember, possibly cheerleading, we got there late. We missed the dinner if I am remembering correctly, but were just in time for the movie and to visit just before. (They were watching Lady and the Tramp.)

But after visiting for a little while they were going to get the movie started but just before they did Andrew decided to give me his Valentine for me. As he handed it to me I could feel my face turning as red as the ribbon that was on it... It was a small, rectangular velvet box... Yes. One that you would normally receive jewelery in... I was more than mortified... "NOT JEWELERY" was the only thing that I could think to myself. So I opened it slowly, afraid of what I would find inside and as I did, I saw the best Valentine's Day present that any one would ever be able to give me...besides what we got last year.

If you are an "Office" watcher, remember back to before Jim and Pam were dating and Jim actually got Pam's name for the Secret Santa event. Remember what he got for her? He had gotten her a tea-pot which she had been wanting for so long, and he filled it with little things that had a lot of meaning behind them, a yearbook photo, and other inside jokes. Yea, Andrew is my Jim.

I opened the jewelry box and inside I was delighted to find it full of red Skittles. Andrew had gone through a bag of Skittles and picked out the color that we both liked the most and always jokingly fought over. He even went so far as to pull the rest of the skittles out of his pocket and give them to me. It struck me just what an honest and special gift it really was. That he would be so creative and go through the trouble to pick out all of the red ones means so much to me today. What a gift. Simple, thoughtful and so full of love.

. . .

Along that same line, I was reading my daily devotion last night and it just really touched me and spoke to numerous struggles that I am facing, and just goes along with Valentine's Day beautifully. It comes right out of "DAILY SEEDS from women who walk in faith" and this day is written by Dee Brestin:

"The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friends who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete." John 3:29

"Sometimes I think single women are better equipped to understand the portrait of Jesus as our Bridegroom. I certainly learned a great deal from my coauthor, Kathy Triccoli, when we wrote a trilogy on the Bridegroom. I remember the first night we went out to dinner together.

'Dee, let's have a romantic evening.'

'I don't understand.'

'Oh Dee-your definition of romance is so limited! Romance is so much bigger than a guy and a girl. Romance has to do with making things lovely because of love. Candles, food served elegantly, and meaningful conversation.'

Kathy has helped me to see what a romantic God we serve. He set the stars in place, He writes to us in poetry, and He gives us love stories in the Old Testament - parables to help us understand His love for us. In each of them, there is a bride who feels unworthy - but then there is a Bridegroom who loves her just the way she is - but too much, as Max Lucado puts it, 'to let her stay that way.'

Ruth, the Shulamite maiden, and Gomer all felt unworthy. Yet each one was deeply loved and taken higher by her Bridegroom. Boaz 'covered' Ruth with his garment, as Jesus covers us with His righteousness. Hosea bought Gomer when she was naked on the auction block, as Jesus bought us. Though the Shulamite pleaded for Solomon not to look at her, he told her she was 'a lily among thorns,' and pleaded with her, 'Come away, my love.'

will you believe that you are loved by your heavenly Bridegroom? Will you trust that His righteousness covers you? Will you abandon yourself to Him and allow Him to take you higher?"

As you face Valentine's today, whether your Love is with you or miles away, remember that Jesus is the perfect love and bask in that more today than you ever have because He is the Husband that is the creator of romance and he has abundant and even unending amounts of it to share with you.

Enjoy Valentine's Day today my friend. Make it a day to remember whether or not your lovemeets your expectations because Jesus always will.