It is so wonderful to look back and see the blessing among the hardships. There are a few things that I need to update since July, 2013. Firstly, yes, we lost our home to foreclosure and made a move. It was quite a job to pack up and transfer everything and we did end up losing quite a bit of possessions because there just wasn't room here and we don't have budget for a storage garage. Some things were easy to lose - there was lumber in the shed, my old bike with a flat tire, Andrew's non-working chain saws... There were some things that for me, were not easy to lose. We had several things still in the basement that for the longest time just made me sick to know that we had lost, a couple of those things being a small, wooden doll bed that my dad hand-made for me, a drink bucket that Andrew and I had at our wedding, some craft projects that I had done and so on. Every time that those things would come to mind though, I would remind myself, "they are just things, replaceable things. Jesus knows they are worth nothing and they just take up space. He can replace them if they mean that much" and I would just rest in peace knowing that they ARE just things. Things that don't matter. They can be replaced. They just take up space if they aren't useful or currently being used. So, I am at peace with that and actually thankful to have been relieved of a bunch of STUFF.
Losing the house was a huge blow and blessing at the same time. I took a hit on my credit, obviously. I can't even open a savings account at a bank because of how low my credit score is right now. But that's ok. Andrew has our joint accounts, we don't need more than that. It was hard to let go of the place that we called home for our first four years. The place that we began building our family in and the place that I was taking so much pride in. At the same time, what a relief not to have the weight of that hanging over my head. We have a comfortable place to live now, a place without spiders and ear-wigs (yes, they are a real bug - see for yourself here...gross!), a place without mold in the walls, on the ceiling, and a place that doesn't cost $500 during the winter to heat.
The more I look back and examine our past at that house the more I see strongholds that built up there. Things that we couldn't break out of without losing the place. Things so dark they hang there like a cloud. The stronghold of laziness was woven throughout our whole relationship there. The stronghold of anger was looming in every room of that place and the stronghold of suspicion and deceit. All of which I struggled to no end to deal with, trying to conquer on my own only to fail miserably which made me ANGRY. I had a stronghold of self-doubt, self-reliance and worry chained around my every move. I wanted nothing more than to hide from everything and everyone.
Moving out of our home of strongholds has been such a blessing. Sure, it was disguised at first, but all is clear and apparent now. Sure, we are thankful to have had the place for as long as we did and it definitely was a blessing to be able to begin our marriage in a little home like that but after a while because we took it for granted it just became such a burden Jesus said, "Here little ones, this will hurt but I need to take this from you to do something even better." || insert OUCH and then sigh of relief here || What peace we can have when we rest in His timing, His control and His love for us. I am so thankful for HIM.
I received a text message from my mom about a month ago. She informed me that her and my dad were going to come over and watch the boys so Andrew and I could go get coffee together. GREAT! We headed to the local Micky D's and had some nicely fattening mochas and chatted. We were reminiscing about the past of our marriage and the growth and hardships and so on that we have endured and conquered. I can't remember quite what he had said, but I came to realization that if it weren't for the hand of Jesus on our lives and our life together we didn't think that we would still be together today. Life has thrown us so many hardships in our short four and a half years together that were it not for our strong conviction to stay together and the peace, confidence and love that we can give because Jesus gives it to us, we probably would have separated long ago. What a wonderful God we serve to bring unity even through the toughest of times. Now, I know that the things that we have faced can be compared to other's sufferings as nothing and I give huge amounts of credit to anyone that has endured struggles in their marriage and come out on top, but I also know Andrew and I know myself and the kind of people that we are, the struggles that we have faced and endured are nothing small to us.
Since losing our house, Andrew and I have grown closer together, as a couple, as a team and in our relationships with Jesus. We have made a church home here at Faith Community and gotten ourselves plugged into a Bible Study. Myself personally, I have grown so much closer to Jesus, I still have to work hard every day to keep Him front and center but my character has definitely improved. The anger that I struggled with (related post here) has subsided so incredibly that I have a hard time believing it could be true...
We continue to have our struggles and deal with things as life throws them at us, but we are doing a much better job of centering our responses on Jesus and trusting in His greatness and power to come through for us. What more is there?!
I hope you have a blessed day!
Thanks for reading,
Kayla
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