Anyways, to continue the love story, I thought I might share one of the letters that Andrew had written to me. It is the letter that my excerpt from yesterday came from and as I re-read the whole thing it gave me the shivers just to see that love that he had for me before I ever even accepted it...
"Ha, ha! My parents haven't grounded me from all forms of communication! Victory! Lol! These past two weeks have been hell! Not being able to see you (except for that one Wednesday and the pictures in my desk!) or talk to you has been killing me inside. There has been something that has been bothering me though. When I have this much time on my hands I tend to think about things as you may have noticed. And when I think, it is generally about you. So there I was, thinking about the last real time we did anything together which was Operation Christmas Child and I remembered when we were talking about that text that you sent to me about how you still have feelings for **** and that you thought it would probably hurt me. That's what's been bothering me. On the bus I never told you how I really felt about it and its been bothering me. When I received that text it did hurt, a lot. And immediately that hurt turned into anger which turned into hate. I hated everything. I hated ****, I hated you, I hated everything about me. Honestly I didn't want to look at you for days. And then the pain grew the next day along with my hate and it ate at me. Then I started to think and dwell on why I was so angry. While I was thinking about it I figured it out. The reason I was so angry and hateful and hurt was because I loved you. And when you love someone and they tell you they love someone else still it's going to hurt. But I realized I reacted wrongly. I found myself thinking what it would be like not being with you and that hurt even more than the text message. So after I figured that I was a moron and was stupid to hate the one person I can't be without. I just thought I should tell you. Probably not what you wanted to read but I had to tell you because it was eating at me.
Then I started to think again (which has become one of my favorite things to do lately) about you. Then I started to think about Topher Grace. Wow! I've never been more jealous of anyone in my life! But I remembered you telling me that I had stolen your heart which made me feel better. Then I started to think about that and realized that I don't want to be a thief. I don't want to take something that isn't mine to have. So you shouldn't let me steal your heart. You should keep it and give it to whoever that one person God has for you. Hearts are fragile things. I don't want yours if I'm not supposed to, cuz I don't want to break it.
Anyways, I would love to hear from you! Whether you call me or whatever. I can't think of anything else to write. Probably because I'm watching Batman Begins. Gerat movie! Hey they're coming out with Spiderman 3 in May! Thought you might like to know that! So yeah I'll talk to you later. Have a great week!
Yours Truely,
Andrew Nelson
P.s. Spiderman turns evil! Ha! Which means Batman is way better! Ha ha!"
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| our second anniversary date to the Twins game! |
My husband is so eloquent with words when he wants to be. I loved and so cherished our writing back and forth. It's amazing how I look back now and see how truly he did love me and I just never let myself accept it...how blind we can be when we choose to. It's a good thing God can take the blind and make them see.
My suggestion for you today, if you haven't done it recently, write a love note to your significant other, or someone that is very special to you. You never know how much they will appreciate a simple letter.
Thanks for reading,
Kayla
I love this...seeing your love close up. : ) Also, what a beautiful saying Andrew coined! You talked about it in your previous entry, but seeing it in its full glory here was quite fun. I want to see it in your house somewhere! : )
ReplyDeleteThanks! I have such fun sharing! I really should look into either ordering an applique or make it into a canvas print since it is so special. :)
ReplyDelete