Wooftah!

I get into a new routine and then something throws me off.  As I sat down here to make a new post, I couldn't remember where I was at with our love story.  So to review, I shared our meeting story, his first letter to me and a few bits and pieces of other parts.  I think I will share another of his letters to me today.  I don't have a vision for this post, so it is going to go wherever God leads it to go.

This letter is one of those things that brings you back to a certain place, a certain feeling and emotion.  The place this one brings me, and you can come with me, is a cold winter night, bundled up in bed as I read this.  It is close to Christmas so that jolly, joyful, expectant warmth is in the air on top of the cold.  Hold on, here we go...

12/11/06
"Dear Kayla,
There are many things that I'm going to write that I would rather say in person.  First off, when I saw you at your Christmas program I was struck by your beauty.  My gosh!  I can't get over it!  I kept staring thinking the whole time you were up there, wow!  Today at school I couldn't stop thinking about you.  And when I was on my way home on Sunday before I read your letter I kept thinking that I don't deserve to even look at you!  Wow, still can't get over it.  It's not the first time I realized how beautiful you are either.  Dang, I lost my thought...Oh yes, I remember now.  There is a song that Demon Hunter sings that goes 'I found a dark infernal place I don't want to face anymore.'  Well I've found that one dark infernal place that I don't want to face and that is a life without the friendship that I've found with you.  Sounds kinda corny but that's what I've found to be true.

Kayla, I pray to God every day that you will find the right guy that God has for you.  I don't care who he is, but I pray that he will be able to mend your "shattered" heart.  And don't you be too sure that I wouldn't be able to break your heart (not that I want to, far from it!) unless I mean nothing at all to you.  There is just as much chance that I can do it to you.  So be careful, I'm just as human as you are.  You're not the only one that can hurt someone.

You wanted to know if I thought you were the girl for me.  Well I'm going to have to tell you that answer in person.

My letter wasn't meant to make you angry at yourself, and I'm upset that it made you mad/sad.  I was thinking you should be mad at me.  I can't control how you feel and that text was what I needed to see/hear. I reacted wrongly because I was jealous of Jake, you're wrong to beat yourself up.  It was meant to show you how I felt and how I feel.  I care very deeply for you.  I want you to know that.

Don't be sorry that I felt hurt.  I chose to feel that way.  I should be asking you for forgiveness.  So don't hate yourself.  And well I wished I could have talked to you about that in person too...and holding you does sound like something I wish I could do right now!  lol!

No, as far as I know you're not dreaming.  If someone were to pinch you it would probably hurt.  And I don't know why you.  Better question, why me?  What the heck did I do to deserve gaining a friend like you?  I hope that this isn't a 'too good to be true' thing, cause I really don't want it to be.  That would suck!

You know what I'm sick of?  Writing.  I wish I could just talk to you!  This is my fault though so that's another thing I should ask forgiveness for.  Sorry.  Forgive me/

Hey if you ever compare me to Jake, I don't care!  Compare away!  If you feel you need to talk about him, by all means go for it!  It really doesn't bother me, honest.  And if you need to talk about anything else, go ahead.  That's what I'm here for.

Oh man it's late!  Well good night to you as well or whatever.  I'm not grounded anymore so that's a bonus, and I'll be getting my phone back in a week or so!  Well, I love you, and hope to be able to give this to you soon.

Your Special Friend,
Andrew"

Haha, as I was typing, I was realizing all of the things you are probably blanking on that he was touching on.  I think that I will dig out my notes to him (yep, he saved all of them too!) and I will start sharing those ones as well.

As I reread all of these notes, he just blows me away all over again.  While he hasn't changed since this time, life has changed around us and since our situation and relationship has changed, it appears that he may have. In truth though, he is just as dedicated and loyal and loving as this letter.  There isn't a disloyal bone in my man's skinny body!  <3 as="as" day="day" e="e" f="f" him.="him." i="i" is="is" just="just" met="met" more="more" nbsp="nbsp" not="not" p="p" so.="so." that="that" the="the" wonderful="wonderful">
I encourage all of you, whether dating, engaged or married, make a list of all of the things you love about that special someone.  Put it somewhere safe so that in a few years if you are still with them (hopefully so) you can look back on that, especially if things are tough, and it can bring you back to that place of infatuation that I am feeling reliving all of this love.

As I am reminding myself the love of my husband, I am reminded as well that we really should be looking back on Christ's love for us in this same way.  Every single word in that Bible of ours was put specifically to speak to each of us by God the Father.  I love that God refers to himself as our Father.  I get all warm and fuzzy feeling because of that.  I probably have one of the best earthy father figures anyone could ever have.  He is such a picture of the father that I feel God wants us to see him as.  I am very thankful for that.  I really need to make sure to take the time to appreciate the Father that God is to us every day.  I have been very bad about keeping up with my personal quiet time and devotionals.

As I come into a new routine with a new baby and my two-year-old, I have to learn and really make a time to spend time with Jesus.  As much as I have to TAKE the time to do anything else.  It shouldn't be as hard as I make it to take the time for Him.  I have such easy babies and all I do is give myself excuses or else I forget.  It's time to stop that.

Speaking of new routine, I am pretty proud of myself.  I have worked out twice in the last week and I have already lost 20 of my 35 baby pounds!  Woohoo!  I am so excited!  Only three weeks out of the hospital and I am already that close to being pre-Parker!  Then another 35 after that and I will be pre-babies all together!  Next summer, get ready!

Well, thanks for reading again.  I hope I encouraged you in some way, shape or form. It then makes my posts worth it!
<3 p="p">Kayla